Its Been a Year…

Its been a year

Over the magic hump once again…

The memory slips behind us as the days forge forward layer upon layer

A mile stone…

But.. 

Your chest tightens and you hold your breath

We know..

We hear the train whistle, our shoulders rise as we tense our neck and hold our breath

We know

Its late, they’re still not home.. we text.. we wait

We know

They don’t respond.. we worry.. we hold our breath

We know

Did you ever think….

An argument…

A grounding..

Saying no..

Before…did you ever think?

We hold our breath

We know

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Friends are important to teens, so when they lose one, the pain is deep. 

How do we walk the fine line of our own grief and theirs? Has loss after loss created such fear in us that we cant speak to our children about the loss of their friends?

I hope not.

I wanted to write something today because I know many of our young friends are sad today. I know they are your kids, your neighbors and your students.

My kids remember, we talk about the boys we lost. Some talk more than others. 

Breathe…Pull the shade up and let the air and light heal. 

Chip has a favorite story about Adam and his famous skate board wipe out last year. He skinned his whole forearm. Like any good mother of 8 who wont take a kid to the Doctor unless its a ruptured appendix, I cleaned it, put cream on and covered it up. 3 days later my lack of a medical degree was to Adams misfortune and he ended up with a festering wound. Green, nasty and gross.

Covering it up and pretending it wasn’t there- big mistake. It festered long enough that the infection needed to be treated from the interior. He needed a Doctor.

Emotional wounds are the same, if we ignore them, cover them up and pretend they aren’t there…they fester. The kids need help that is bigger than we can give. They need a Doctor, don’t ever be afraid to find one.

I worry fear leaves us silent. Silence leaves our kids with an inability to grieve the loss of their friends.

 As their parents we give them a gift to talk about their losses at home in a safe place with the ones who love them most. 

Sometimes we don’t need to talk but simply listen, listening can give them great comfort.

Its OK to admit you don’t have the answers, admit your scared and admit your sad.

But don’t forget to remind them that life is a beautiful struggle and not always easy. Hope is always there even if its small and hard to see right away.

It’s important to be honest and open… To let the air and light in… To leave the grief untouched would allow it to fester.

Ironically, this morning Emily was honored by the President, Vice President and Board of Trustees at her college for YCNBR. Other students were there being honored for different amazing accomplishments also. But it was only Emily that they stopped to applaud, she was the only student from a Catholic school to make the semi finals for the Wooden Citizen Cup (http://udallas.edu/news/2013/soccer-player-emily-dayton-honored-for-non-profit-work.html). Emily was humbled, she was in awe and she was grateful she made it to a place where she could look back and see the healing the light had brought.

As a mom, I can breathe- finally. After years of holding her close while she tried to navigate an experience none of us wanted for our kids, I can see the growth. Now, She can finally clearly see her life transformed into one that is helping others. I see her look back in hindsight and appreciate how far she’s come in her life, and I breathe.

 

Please remember that there are many wonderful counselors in our area, when in doubt find one. Don’t take any chances with you or your children. Lynn  Snyder specializes in young people who have lost a parent or friend. Shes a very special person

http://www.commongroundgriefcenter.org/

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